Taunting Spam XI

At Message Partners, we take the fight against spam and phishing to the next level: we taunt it again and again and again. But, truth be told, spam doesn't really seem to care, so maybe we just do it for ourselves. But that's OK too.

I received the following spam:

Subject: VERY VERY URGENT

DEAR KHUN
PLEASE HANDLE IT' SECRET
MY NAME IS MRS.NOI TAKSIN SHINAWATRA THE WIFE OF FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF THAILAND.WHO HAVE JUST BIENG OVERTHROWN ON POWER BY THE THAILAND MILITARY GOVERNMENT ON THE [19TH OF SEPTEMBER 2006.] RIGHT NOW WE ARE ON EXILE CURRENTLY IN LONDON, WITH MY HUSBAND. I AM CONTACTING YOU TO ASSIST ME FOR SECURING AND INVEST. I' HAVE THIS HUG OF MONEY IN MY CUSTODY WHICH I WANT YOU TO INVEST IT' FORME WITHOUT MY HUSBAND CONCERNCE WITH A TOTAL SUM OF [USD$21,000.000] [TWENTY ONE MILLION DOLLARS]. SECONDLY AS A POTENTIALOF YOUR COUNTRY,WHICH GUARRANTEES US GOOD RETURNS AND HUMAN SECURITY AS A RESULT OF THE SOURCE OF THE FUND,I HEREBY BELIEVING THAT YOUR ASSISTANCE WILL BE PROFITABLE TO BOTH OF US.I WILL APPRECIATE YOUR WILLINESS TO CARRY OUT THIS TRANSATIONS THE GRATIFICATION REMARK I DETERMINDED AS I SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU.I HAVE MAPED OUT 10%,FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE AND THAT MIGHT ARISE ON THE PROCESS OF SAFEGUIDIND ME AND THE MONEYWITH OUT EXPOSING ME I WAITE FOR YOUR
URGENT REPLY. SO THAT I CAN UP-DATE YOU WITH INFORMATION AND FEEL FREE TO ASK IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION CONTACT ME ON MY PRIVATE MAIL

YOURS SINCERELY

Taunt begins: Wow. There is just so much wrong with your letter, I simply don't know where my taunt should begin. Let me just say, though, the very very urgent really got my attention. Had it just been very urgent, well, that's just not enough. In terms of spam inflation, very very is just the minimum amount of urgency.

So you have a "hug" of money. I keep look over the statement, trying to see what might have been misspelled, but I can't think of it. If you meant to say "huge," then you would have wanted to have written huge amount of money. So I think you mean hug of money. Does that mean you have the money in a teddy-bear, which you hug when you go to sleep? Hug if I know.

And why does spam always insist on secrecy? Is that something they teach you at spam-college in Nigeria? Well I think Spam U should change their curriculum myself. And damn, tell them to reintroduce spelling. And grammar. But then again, if you knew that, you'd have the skills to get a real job, so I guess if you're really going to be the King of Spam you have to be something of an Idiot Spamvante.

Ha. Made myself laugh there. That'll do, spam. Now go back to your cave.