Future Spam

At Message Partners, we fight the good fight to keep email safe and efficient for everyone. Lately, much of our work entails fighting spam, and when you spend a lot of time in hand-to-hand combat with spam, you develop something of a relationship with it. In the end, it's not that I like thinking about spam, it's more like I'm obsessed with it.

What follows are what I think spam is going to look like in the not so distant future...

To: You
Subject: Make it smaller
Have you taken too many enhancement pills, and now you need a third trouser leg sewn into your pants. These pills guarantee to make it smaller and more manageable.

To: FutureYou
Subject: Robot Reboot Camp
Has your personal robot gotten a less attentive? When you ask it to bring your slippers, does it sometimes take too long, or instead bring you the wrong pair. At robot reboot camp, your robot will get up-to-the-second training on taking the utmost care of their master.

To: You
Subject: Time Travel HPS
Now that time travel is as easy as microwaving last-nights lasagna, traveling all over history can get awfully confusing. But with HPS, or History Positioning System, whatever time or place you choose to be in, the HPS will tell you what year it is, what time it is, who all the various world leaders are, what major conflicts are being fought, the price of some major stock indexes, in effect all the information you need to truly excel at time travel.

That's all I can think of today, but I assure you, I'll dream up some more soon. Have yourself a great and spam-free weekend.