Star Wars Spam

A long time ago, in a galaxy not all that far away, Message Partners recognized the need for companies and service providers to easily control spam. So we built MPP. What follows is my imagining what spam would look like in the world of Star Wars.

To: Skywalker@beststar.com
Subject: Who's Your Daddy?
Don't let some guy in a mask tell you he's your father. Click here and find out for sure with our guaranteed genetic testing. The test can also tell you if you are Wookie, Hutt, Ewok, or even Rhodesian Ridgeback.

To: Luuuuuke@hotsunmail.com
Subject: Ring-tones for your 3POs.
Does your C3PO still talk in whistles and beeps? Wouldn't you rather hear it converse with an Eddie Van Halen screaming guitar lick, or an Entwistle bass solo. Click here and download our ring-tones.

To: Darth@MaskBook.com
Subject: Porntroopers
Really think the Stormtroopers are all business all the time? Check out this video of what those men in white do when they're not getting shot to pieces.

To: Yoda@LittleandGreen.com
Subject: Bigger and Better Force
Does your Force not always come when you call on it. Some days, does it feel like your Force couldn't lift a #2 pencil. Well with these pills, your force will be the biggest and strongest in the known universe.

To: PrincessLeia@EarMuffins.com
Subject: Ear Warmers
Are you still wearing ridiculously outdated hair styles just to keep your ears warm. Well with our patented ear warmers, keep your ears warm, and stop looking totally ridiculous.