Star Trek Spam

Back from a business trip to Poland, back to being obsessed about spam and its demise for my company, Message Partners, and was wondering, what would spam look like for the members of the Starship Enterprise?

To: Spock@StarshipEnterprise.gov
Re: Get Bigger Ears Here
Ears not big and pointy enough? Or, do your ears droop at the end of the day. Click here and get the biggest, pointiest ears of any Vulcan. It's just logical.

To:CaptainKirk@StarshipEnterprise.gov
Re: Don't be a Captain Jerk
Hey, Captain. Do you get lonely after those Klingon battles? Do you want to boldly go where, well, OK, well a few men have gone before? So click right here, big boy.

To:CleaningCrew@StarshipEnterprise.gov
Re: No More Trouble With Tribbles
Just click here to learn about our revolutionary cleaning products that will guarantee that you will have no more trouble with tribbles or your money back.

To:Sulu@StarshipEnterprise.gov
Re: Make Billions
Please sir, I am the accountant of the Kingdom of Gloer in Deep Space 11, and if you could just send me twenty million kregors, I could just get hold of these funds and would be most willing to split them with you.

That's all I got for today, but I'm sure I'll come back to this subject.

Taunting Spam VII

You know, usually I do the Taunting Spam on Mondays, but instead, I wrote something else, but then, at Message Partners, I noticed a definite uptick in spam the past couple of days, which means Taunting Spam certainly must be working in the battle against these mindless e-hucksters. As I'm sure you are all aware, only the most powerful forces in the Universe can stand up to terrible taunting I unrelentingly deliver in this blog.

So I received the following spam email:

WINNING NOTIFICATION FROM TOYOTA PROMOTION. -[Sat, 17 Feb 2007 00:50:24 +0000]

TOYOTA INTERNATIONAL LOTTO (HEADQUATER)
Customer Service Department Affiliate of Toyota Japan
#28 Kanashiwa road Tokyo JP

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement made today, You are among the winners of the TOYOTA CAR INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM

You have therefore been approved for the payment of the sum of US$500,000,00 in cash, including a Toyota car which is the winning present /amount for the Second category winners. This is from the total prize money of US$2,650,000.00 shared among the international winners in the Second category. CONGRATULATIONS!

To begin your claim, please call your claim agent below or send email immediately.

DR.WILLIAM BANDA
EMAIL: willyban_da@yahoo.co.uk


Taunt Begins:

Oh my. You know, I wasn't born yesterday, Dr. William Banda (where'd you get your medical degree, some online degree-mill?), but I can see right through this oh-so-obvious scam.

I am onto your clever wording ways, Dr. Banda. I can see right through where you write "payment of the sum of US$500,000 in cash." (I'll neglect to mention the strange ",00" or the UK email address, or all the other things wrong with your ridiculous email for taunting's sake.) I know when you say I've won a sum of 500 grand, that that really means, when I send you all my info, and fly out to Toyota-land, you'll present me with a shiny new quarter and say, Here you go, here's some of 500 grand.

But what about the Toyota? Well that's the oldest trick in the book. After I pocked the shiny quarter, the drum-roll will start, 2 beautiful models will step out on the stage and wave their hands around, and the silver curtain will slowly drop to reveal...a Toy Yoda.

Yep, I'm on to you, Doctor Banda. But one thing, though, I've had this ache in my knee, you think you could take a look at it?