Superman Spam

While we don't have any superhero clients at Message Partners, we feel that it's particularly important to keep their email in-boxes spam free just so they have more time to save the world. That said, here's what I think Superman spam would look like.

To: BlueTightBuddy@Superduper.com
Subject: Got Kryptonite in Your Boxer-Briefs???
While most average girls probably think you're the bomb, Wonder Women is probably wondering why you can't go as long as the Hulk. Click here to stop being a Clark Can't and become a better superlover.

To: S_Chest@Flyboy.com
Subject: Crowded Skies
Is the nation's crowded air traffic getting you down? Getting tired of have to make way for every little Cessna and corporate jet in the crowded skies. Click here, and double the brightness of your tights and cape so pilots see you before you have to pick them out of your ass.

To: ClarkK@MetroNews
Subject: Secret Identity
This is the internet, where rumors abound and secret identities have a way of leaking out. So come visit SecretIdentities.com, and see who they're saying Batman and Superman's real identity is this week.

To: Superman@UpInTheSky.com
Subject: Slower Than a Speeding Bullet
Are you tired of hearing that your faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and all that crap. Sure, that was forty years ago, when bullets didn't go nearly so fast. Need a SuperBoost. Click here and try out our energy drink.

James Bond Spam

At Message Partners, in a recent lull in the spam battles, the boss and I brainstormed on what James Bond's spam in-box might look like. It follows.

To: double0seven@hotmail.com
re: Bullet-proof your girlfriend
Do your lady friend have a habit of dying off. Well with this easy spray, a quick spray of the loved ones in your life will make them bullet-proof for up to five hours. The spray is neither water proof or flame-thrower proof.

To: BondJamesBond@Gmail.com
re: Permanent Name Tags
Are you tired of saying your name over and over again. Just click right here and get these new, near permanent name tags that proudly says your name right on your fashionable lapel. Name tags are not bullet-proof, water-proof, flame-thrower proof...

To: OhJames@MI6.com
re: Tired of Lasting All Night
Tired of totally satisfying your lady friends and looking for a good night's sleep. Well take these pills and be a total dud in bed.

To: ShakenNotStired@PartySpies.com
re: Build Your Own Volcano
Want to take over the world, but can't find the right lair to plot your world domination in? Click here and with these easy-to-follow instructions, and a few million dollars, we will help you find and build the perfect volcano to bring the world to its knees.

Taunting Spam VI

As things shift to and fro in the great spam battle, I can only think that the work I do for Message Partners, the number one spam blocker for ISPs, and this blog, and the taunting of spam, is a big contributor.

So I received the following spam in my inbox.

To: Me
From: kristina@bestladies4u.com

Lets start new relations!

I am kristina. I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia. I am young cheerful
creative lady who wants to make happy not only myself but all people
who are around me - my friends and my family. Will you join my circle?
I will be waiting for you reply to: kristina@bestladies4u.com

Begin Taunt:

Hey Kristina, what's going on? So, by your email address, you call yourself best ladies for you. You know who used to use that style of writing quite often: Prince. Back before the internet, and it became common, Prince always wrote 4 instead of for, which makes me think maybe you should call yourself the best girl for Prince.

St. Petersburg...did you know my name is Peter? Which makes me wonder, if my name was Jeeves, would you be from St. Jeevesburg. You see, that's what spam does to a person, it makes them doubt everything.

And you say you are a young cheerful creative lady who wants to make happy not only myself but all people who are around me. I've met a few like you, and the problem is, when they're happy, they make everyone happy, but when they've sad, or mad, or just plain peevish, they have to make sure everyone around them is in a bad mood.

So you know what Kristina, I don't think I want to join your circle, your square, and especially your botnet.

Spam in the Movies

At Message Partners, our MPP email security solution is doing so well at beating back the zombie horde of spam, that yesterday we had time to sit around and think up movie titles for the era of spam.

So here they go:

A Fistful of Spam
The Spamfather
Spamfellow
Spam Wars: Episode V: MPP Strikes Back (sorry, just had to throw in a plug)
The Usual Spammers
Spamalittle
The Silence of Unopened Spam
The Third Spam
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (which will be all yours if you send us money)
Spamming Private Ryan
Singing in the Spam
Some Like It Hot (click here if you want to last all night long)
2001: A Spam Odyssey
Spamadeus

and finally...

Cool Spam Luke

All right, that's enough of that.